


I'm Sorry..

by Tag_YoureDead



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 03:53:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10891143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tag_YoureDead/pseuds/Tag_YoureDead
Summary: "I thought you were dead!""Apparently I'm not dead enough."





	I'm Sorry..

**Author's Note:**

> Short but upsetting, I just need to get my emotions out and this is it.. Don't read it without being prepared to cry your eyes out.

(Jean)  
'Good morning beautiful, hope you have a good day and I’ll have to call later tonight if I can.'  
-Delivered 08:00  
-Seen 09:45  
'Jean baby I miss you, when are you coming home? It's boring without you here and I really miss hearing your voice..'  
-Received 09:46  
The poor kid was clueless, really he was, and I couldn’t tell if that was good or bad at this point as I checked out of the hotel. There was a dull pain in my back still but since it was going to be there for a while I had to get used to it. I grabbed my bags off the sidewalk and started walking but someone almost immediately stopped and offered me a ride. It was just Sasha being a sweetheart, thanking me for everything while still just eating as much as she possibly could without making speech impossible. I just waved her off and looked out the window, knowing we wouldn’t be back in time for me to surprise him before work. “Hey Sasha, do you know if Eren still works at the coffee shop he did before I left?” I asked her after a moment and she just looked back at me, but didn’t say anything. “I think so, yeah. He’s the one that’s like four foot eight, right?” I rolled my eyes but nodded to her question. “That’s him, thanks.”

The rest of the ride was silent, but it wasn’t our fault. We didn’t need to talk to be happy, that’s how our friendship had lasted so long while going through hell several different times. Once she finally pulled up I leaned over the back of the driver seat and kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Sasha. I owe you one.” Her laughter followed me up the drive and to the front door, around my car that hadn’t moved in a year but it still looked well taken care of. I unlocked the door and headed in, setting my things down carefully so that there’s no tripping hazard.

~*~

It was eleven by the time I got in my car and took off driving, but I didn’t mind how late it was. It was Friday, which meant that the only time Eren worked was if someone was late and he’d been called in to cover until they got there. Which worked against me, unfortunately. I didn’t want Eren to be overwhelmed with having to deal with me and a large line of customers, so as soon as I finally got in the shop I found a seat and pulled my laptop out. I was out of view of anyone behind the counter but could see everyone perfectly. This place was very easy to stay hidden in, which I did.

I was able to distract myself for a good thirty minutes before the line was gone and he was leaning against the counter talking to a customer from before at the counter, so I shut my laptop and slid it into my bag before getting up. As I made my way to the counter I knew I looked no different from some of the others in the shop, jeans and a dark shirt. I wasn’t too old, I could pass as a college student to those who hadn’t seen me before. The dog tags I wore could’ve any family member’s and no one would know any different without looking at them and knowing my name, but it wasn’t important because I was getting ready to cause a huge scene and some people could sense it based on the way they watched me. I had just started walking forward when I watched Eren lean over the counter and hug the man lovingly, which was far more painful than I’d like to admit. Still, I needed coffee before I headed home.

“We’ll definitely go out later, I prom- Jean! When did you get back?” Eren’s voice registered but I didn’t answer his question. I was more focused on not doing something I’d regret.

“Can I get a large black coffee to go? And make it quick, I have somewhere to be.” Oh the attitude change stung, it was obvious by the look in his eyes.  
“Jean.. I thought you were dead!” He exclaimed before he turned around and set about making my order while I got the money out and made sure that it was exact.

“Yeah well, not dead enough to deserve this.” As soon as he turned back around with the drink I gave him the money and headed back to my things, picking them up and heading out to my car. This stung, Eren hadn’t really loved me at all. What the hell I was supposed to do since I’d been left for someone who hadn’t risked their life to protect the ones they loved, I didn’t know and didn’t want to think about now, I just wanted to go fast and forget what happened.

~*~

(Eren)

Jean ran out and I was stuck there, but I couldn’t let him go. Right about then my manager walked in and I told him what was going on and that I needed to go. He gave me permission and I ran out to go after him, but before I got too far there were EMTs speeding by and I felt my heart slowly fall when I saw where they were stopping. Jean’s car was pinned under a semi and they’d collided on the driver side. “No.. Please no..” the only words I could manage were quiet pleas for this to all be fake, but I knew it wasn’t in the slightest bit fake.

I managed to make my way to one of the officers now keeping people away from the accident. “Sir, you’re not allowed in here, this is an-” I cut him off. “That’s my husband in there, you have to let me through!” I could see them finally get the door off and I was allowed back in time to see them get Jean out and lay him onto a stretcher, getting a mask over his face. He looked like hell.. “Sir, is this man of any relation to you?” One of the medics was talking to me, but I couldn’t focus enough to give an immediate answer.

My voice was trembling but I had to get the words out, the others were loading him into the ambulance. “That’s my husband.. His name is Jean Kirschtein, age twenty-six. He’s a sergeant in the Air Force, please let me go with him.” She looked uncertain but nodded and led me to the back where they were hooking Jean up to an oxygen tank and working on setting his arm, which looked crushed, and his leg, which didn’t look as bad.

The ride was mostly silent, I stood on the side they weren’t working on but away from the machines, just holding onto his hand and praying that he’d be okay. 

“E..Eren..”

Oh god.. “Jean, I’m here. I’m right here, please just hold on. We’re close to the hospital, you’ll be alright..” His eyes opened right into mine, so forgiving and kind when I should be begging for him to forgive me for causing all of this. “Not.. your fault.. Don’t blame.. Yourself..” His voice was growing stronger but I was scared, he wasn’t responding with his left hand at all.

~*~

Jean had gone into emergency surgery and was now in recovery, but until the doctor came to get me I had to wait like a trapped animal awaiting death. Which in a way was true. I’d caused Jean to wreck and he was stuck here with God only knew what wrong with him, so everything was my fault. “Mr. Kirschtein? You’re being asked for.” That was all I needed and I headed into the room, almost breaking down into tears with what I saw. Jean’s left arm was gone from the middle of his upper arm, it’d been unsavable. His nose was broken but had been set, and the various scratches and bruises on his face were cleaned so he didn’t look as bad. He still had access to the oxygen mask if he needed it but for now it was off, resting by his hand as he stared out the window.

The only thing I could do was make my way over to him and stare at his bed, unable to look at him without feeling guilty. “Eren, quit beating yourself up. This could’ve happened to you, Connie, Marco, or anyone else. Just because it was me means nothing, god knows I’m not worth it anyways.”

“Don’t say that, Jean.. Nothing you say is going to make me feel better about this.”

“Eren, never forget that I love you. Okay? Never forget that, as long as we’re together.”

“I won’t.”

~*~

That was a year ago, a year ago the car crash caused Jean to lose his arm. I would’ve laughed at the memory had it been happy, but it wasn’t in the slightest and I hated myself for it.

“You almost ready to go, Eren? It’s starting to rain.”

Marco.. Sweet, innocent Marco had been the one I was hugging the day of the crash, all because he’d graduated from med school to become a doctor. We were going to go out and celebrate but instead we spent the night in the hospital, unable to move and unable to comprehend what’d happened. Jean hadn’t opened his eyes after he was taken in for surgery and his heart stopped thirty minutes after his arm had been amputated, but they couldn’t get it restarted. His ring had been left at home after he’d showered, so when Marco had finally gotten me to go home and bathe.. I’d lost it and broke down crying again in the bathroom upon finding it.

“Yeah, I’m ready..” I looked down at the grave one last time and ignored the tear that rolled down my cheeks and fell onto the grave. “Goodbye for today, Jean. I’ll come back tomorrow with Avery, she was just born a few months ago and she’s beautiful.. If only you could see our daughter..” She’d been born on Jean’s birthday and had been like a little Jean from the start, from her skin tone to her amber eyes the first time she looked at me. “I love you so much, baby. You didn’t deserve this, you should be able to see our miracle..” I couldn’t finish, I lost it and broke down crying. Marco wrapped his arms around me and led me back to the car and it wasn’t until we were on our way back to the house that I finished what I had been trying to say before I started crying.

“I’m sorry..”


End file.
